Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
How can I die? I’m booked.
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.
I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.
I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.