Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.

The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you’re rich.

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.

After all, what is your host’s purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they’d have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.