I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it. — Anthony Jeselnik
I’m getting pretty worried. My girlfriend hasn’t gotten her period. And she’s already 14. — Anthony Jeselnik
I don’t have a type, really. But I’ve always been more attracted to girls who yell fire. — Anthony Jeselnik
I would love to DJ the royal wedding. Just so I could play Candle in the Wind non-stop. — Anthony Jeselnik