Daniel Tosh Quotes

Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely. Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely.

— Daniel Tosh

Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up? Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?

— Daniel Tosh

They say money doesn’t buy happiness. That phrase should end with ‘just kidding’. Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

They say money doesn’t buy happiness. That phrase should end with ‘just kidding’.

— Daniel Tosh

Technically it’s not premarital sex if you don’t plan on marrying them. Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

Technically it’s not premarital sex if you don’t plan on marrying them.

— Daniel Tosh

You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun. Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.

— Daniel Tosh

Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl. Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

Slutiness is a very underrated quality in a girl.

— Daniel Tosh

I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but

— Daniel Tosh

I’m not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them. Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

I’m not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.

— Daniel Tosh

I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend’s Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

I put a What Would Jesus Do bracelet on my Jewish friend’s

— Daniel Tosh

You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it. Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.

— Daniel Tosh

Much like Down Syndrome, red hair is a genetic mutation, and it Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

Much like Down Syndrome, red hair is a genetic mutation, and it

— Daniel Tosh

Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking

— Daniel Tosh

Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands. Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.

— Daniel Tosh

Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how

— Daniel Tosh

I have no real talents. If I could make a living at Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

I have no real talents. If I could make a living at

— Daniel Tosh

I assume the only reason we have them is so that white Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

I assume the only reason we have them is so that white

— Daniel Tosh

I’m not saying I’m smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

I’m not saying I’m smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would

— Daniel Tosh

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never

— Daniel Tosh

Decorating the gym can’t mask the fact that it smells like a Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

Decorating the gym can’t mask the fact that it smells like a

— Daniel Tosh

By the way, nothing I ever say, ever, has any truth behind it. Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

By the way, nothing I ever say, ever, has any truth behind it.

— Daniel Tosh

Stop saying you’re not racist because you have a friend that’s black. Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

Stop saying you’re not racist because you have a friend that’s black.

— Daniel Tosh

I guess it could be seen as a form of rebellion, but ( Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

I guess it could be seen as a form of rebellion, but (

— Daniel Tosh

Big, skinny, regular size it doesn’t matter as long as your young. Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

Big, skinny, regular size it doesn’t matter as long as your young.

— Daniel Tosh

The only thing better than the world’s cutest cat is any dog. Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

The only thing better than the world’s cutest cat is any dog.

— Daniel Tosh

How come New York gets all the cool plane crashes? Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

How come New York gets all the cool plane crashes?

— Daniel Tosh

Even the klan revamped their image by losing the hoods and changing Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

Even the klan revamped their image by losing the hoods and changing

— Daniel Tosh

Describe your perfect man who looks like me… Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

Describe your perfect man who looks like me…

— Daniel Tosh

I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but

— Daniel Tosh

I’m actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house… Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

I’m actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house…

— Daniel Tosh

No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all

— Daniel Tosh

Babies aren’t dishwasher-safe. Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

Babies aren’t dishwasher-safe.

— Daniel Tosh

You are a sick freak who should be beaten. Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

You are a sick freak who should be beaten.

— Daniel Tosh

Thank you … San Francisco. All right, you’re ruining the show. Thank you … Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

Thank you … San Francisco. All right, you’re ruining the show. Thank you …

— Daniel Tosh

I think pro-athletes should be forced to use steroids. I think we Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

I think pro-athletes should be forced to use steroids. I think we

— Daniel Tosh

No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides. Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.

— Daniel Tosh

I’m also not good with numbers either, so it’s not a great Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

I’m also not good with numbers either, so it’s not a great

— Daniel Tosh

You know your girlfriend is too young when she’ll do everything in Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

You know your girlfriend is too young when she’ll do everything in

— Daniel Tosh

This is what I say to the most conservative person that’s so Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

This is what I say to the most conservative person that’s so

— Daniel Tosh

Kangoroos can’t hop backwards. Daniel Tosh Picture Quote

Kangoroos can’t hop backwards.

— Daniel Tosh

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