It’s the first day of spring. That means this weekend I’ll take down my Christmas lights. — David Letterman
Obesity is now a problem in the navy. They’ve created a new rank: Really Big Rear Admiral. — David Letterman
The Pope also said that while he’s in town he would like to go see ‘The Book of Mormon.’ — David Letterman
Kim Jong Un’s sister got married. That sounds like another Seth Rogen movie, doesn’t it? — David Letterman