Some people see things that are and ask, why? some people dream of things that never were and ask — George Carlin
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. — George Carlin
When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in america, you get a front row seat. — George Carlin
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to f**k. — George Carlin