George Carlin Quotes

Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name. George Carlin Picture Quote

Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.

— George Carlin

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work. George Carlin Picture Quote

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

— George Carlin

If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away? George Carlin Picture Quote

If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?

— George Carlin

Life is a series of dogs. George Carlin Picture Quote

Life is a series of dogs.

— George Carlin

Heart disease has changed my eating habits, but I still cook bacon for the smell. George Carlin Picture Quote

Heart disease has changed my eating habits, but I still cook bacon for the smell.

— George Carlin

Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter. George Carlin Picture Quote

Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.

— George Carlin

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. George Carlin Picture Quote

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

— George Carlin

So about 80 years after the Constitution is ratified, the slaves are freed. George Carlin Picture Quote

So about 80 years after the Constitution is ratified, the slaves are freed.

— George Carlin

Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. George Carlin Picture Quote

Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know.

— George Carlin

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? George Carlin Picture Quote

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

— George Carlin

The only good thing about religion is the music. Because nature is George Carlin Picture Quote

The only good thing about religion is the music. Because nature is

— George Carlin

Professional soldiers are people who die for a living. George Carlin Picture Quote

Professional soldiers are people who die for a living.

— George Carlin

If God created everything, he’s got a serious quality control problem. George Carlin Picture Quote

If God created everything, he’s got a serious quality control problem.

— George Carlin

I don’t vote. We’re led to believe we’re free through the exercise George Carlin Picture Quote

I don’t vote. We’re led to believe we’re free through the exercise

— George Carlin

Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would George Carlin Picture Quote

Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would

— George Carlin

Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a George Carlin Picture Quote

Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a

— George Carlin

A pear is a failed apple. George Carlin Picture Quote

A pear is a failed apple.

— George Carlin

By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. George Carlin Picture Quote

By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

— George Carlin

Anyone who’s onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided George Carlin Picture Quote

Anyone who’s onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided

— George Carlin

What exactly is “midair”? Is there some other part of air besides the “mid” part? George Carlin Picture Quote

What exactly is “midair”? Is there some other part of air besides the “mid” part?

— George Carlin

Weather tonight: dark. Turning partly light by morning. George Carlin Picture Quote

Weather tonight: dark. Turning partly light by morning.

— George Carlin

The following statement is true. The previous statement is false. George Carlin Picture Quote

The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.

— George Carlin

I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn’t find an opening. George Carlin Picture Quote

I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn’t find an opening.

— George Carlin

Language is the most elementary aspect to our humanness, probably. In addition George Carlin Picture Quote

Language is the most elementary aspect to our humanness, probably. In addition

— George Carlin

If this is the best God can do, I’m not impressed. George Carlin Picture Quote

If this is the best God can do, I’m not impressed.

— George Carlin

We use up words like spiritual so fast in this culture. Twenty George Carlin Picture Quote

We use up words like spiritual so fast in this culture. Twenty

— George Carlin

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a George Carlin Picture Quote

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a

— George Carlin

I never take credit for anything, because it’s mostly genetic to my George Carlin Picture Quote

I never take credit for anything, because it’s mostly genetic to my

— George Carlin

When something is ‘new and improved’, which is it? If it’s new, George Carlin Picture Quote

When something is ‘new and improved’, which is it? If it’s new,

— George Carlin

I think I am, therefore, I am… I think. George Carlin Picture Quote

I think I am, therefore, I am… I think.

— George Carlin

I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is George Carlin Picture Quote

I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is

— George Carlin

Marry an orphan: you’ll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws. George Carlin Picture Quote

Marry an orphan: you’ll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

— George Carlin

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see… ‘We are the Proud George Carlin Picture Quote

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see… ‘We are the Proud

— George Carlin

Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. George Carlin Picture Quote

Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

— George Carlin

When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. George Carlin Picture Quote

When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense.

— George Carlin

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. George Carlin Picture Quote

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.

— George Carlin

There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin Picture Quote

There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.

— George Carlin

Let me get a sip of water here…you figure this stuff George Carlin Picture Quote

Let me get a sip of water here…you figure this stuff

— George Carlin

It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing George Carlin Picture Quote

It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing

— George Carlin

My tombstone? I’m thinking something along the lines of, ‘Geez, he was George Carlin Picture Quote

My tombstone? I’m thinking something along the lines of, ‘Geez, he was

— George Carlin

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