My favourite poem is the one that starts ‘thirty days hath september’ because it actually tells you something. — Groucho Marx
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know. — Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. — Groucho Marx
Please accept my resignation. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. — Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. — Groucho Marx
There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, “yes,” you know he is a crook. — Groucho Marx
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: i, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. — Groucho Marx