Every time I get on an airplane I figure it’s gonna get blown up. You live on the edge. — Joan Rivers
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp. — Joan Rivers
I don’t excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor. — Joan Rivers
I hate housework! you make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. — Joan Rivers
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘get the hell off my property.’ — Joan Rivers