I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. — Rodney Dangerfield
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?’ — Rodney Dangerfield
When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right. — Rodney Dangerfield
I don’t care how rich and successful a man is. He’s nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield
My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he’s in the fruit section. — Rodney Dangerfield
To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride. — Rodney Dangerfield
We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white. — Rodney Dangerfield