I have a rare form of body dysmorphia in which I absolutely can’t stand how good I look. — Anthony Jeselnik
I’m not a comedy writer, I’m a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say. — Anthony Jeselnik
Disgusting. I just found my grandpa’s Viagra. I swear, I almost puked from eating so many. — Anthony Jeselnik
I was always fascinated by forbidden things people didn’t want to talk about, like death. — Anthony Jeselnik
I could see myself adopting a kid someday. But, obviously, I’d prefer it to be aborted. — Anthony Jeselnik