To remove all credibility from what you’re saying try wearing sunglasses on your forehead. — Demetri Martin
I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance. — Demetri Martin
In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I — Demetri Martin
Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, — Demetri Martin