Greg Fitzsimmons Quotes

I enjoy writing the same way I enjoy doing standup. Part of Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

I enjoy writing the same way I enjoy doing standup. Part of

— Greg Fitzsimmons

I was just in Las Vegas, where prostitution is legal. Which is Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

I was just in Las Vegas, where prostitution is legal. Which is

— Greg Fitzsimmons

When a banana gets rotten people love to tell you that you Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

When a banana gets rotten people love to tell you that you

— Greg Fitzsimmons

If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership. Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership.

— Greg Fitzsimmons

I realized that every second that I’m alive, the world cares less Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

I realized that every second that I’m alive, the world cares less

— Greg Fitzsimmons

I never know what I’m going to say as I walk up Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

I never know what I’m going to say as I walk up

— Greg Fitzsimmons

I called my grandmother yesterday. She picks up the phone, ‘Oh hello, Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

I called my grandmother yesterday. She picks up the phone, ‘Oh hello,

— Greg Fitzsimmons

The most interesting nerds are the ones who take offense to being called nerds. Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

The most interesting nerds are the ones who take offense to being called nerds.

— Greg Fitzsimmons

I love when problems have simple solutions. Cold medicine. Umbrellas. Condoms. Tax Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

I love when problems have simple solutions. Cold medicine. Umbrellas. Condoms. Tax

— Greg Fitzsimmons

My friend goes, ‘If you’re going to use Rogaine, just put it Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

My friend goes, ‘If you’re going to use Rogaine, just put it

— Greg Fitzsimmons

Don’t be like me. Look at me: monogamous, in shape, no debt, sober… I’m dead inside. Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

Don’t be like me. Look at me: monogamous, in shape, no debt, sober… I’m dead inside.

— Greg Fitzsimmons

Debt means you had more fun than you were supposed to. Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

Debt means you had more fun than you were supposed to.

— Greg Fitzsimmons

Lieutenant Governor Paterson – blind, black guy – gets sworn in. First Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

Lieutenant Governor Paterson – blind, black guy – gets sworn in. First

— Greg Fitzsimmons

I’ve finally been able to trust and have intimacy with somebody, which Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

I’ve finally been able to trust and have intimacy with somebody, which

— Greg Fitzsimmons

Trickle-down economics – it didn’t work. The whole idea was supply-side economics: Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

Trickle-down economics – it didn’t work. The whole idea was supply-side economics:

— Greg Fitzsimmons

They say no one knows if we all see red the same way. Except traffic cops. Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

They say no one knows if we all see red the same way. Except traffic cops.

— Greg Fitzsimmons

As a single couple, we are no longer able to hang around Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

As a single couple, we are no longer able to hang around

— Greg Fitzsimmons

The compulsion to do the opposite of what you are told does Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

The compulsion to do the opposite of what you are told does

— Greg Fitzsimmons

The best drunks are the ones who only hang out with other Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

The best drunks are the ones who only hang out with other

— Greg Fitzsimmons

My grandfather is from Ireland. His name is Florence McCarthy. He moved Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

My grandfather is from Ireland. His name is Florence McCarthy. He moved

— Greg Fitzsimmons

My father told me when I first started that standup is exciting Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

My father told me when I first started that standup is exciting

— Greg Fitzsimmons

When you’re not 21, it’s great to drink because you’re not allowed to. Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

When you’re not 21, it’s great to drink because you’re not allowed to.

— Greg Fitzsimmons

They say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds. The other 19 are shame. Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

They say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds. The other 19 are shame.

— Greg Fitzsimmons

It’s an amazingly consistent thing with Irish people. We will talk to Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

It’s an amazingly consistent thing with Irish people. We will talk to

— Greg Fitzsimmons

Driving around with a receding hairline and two kids in a Prius feels a bit boring for me. Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

Driving around with a receding hairline and two kids in a Prius feels a bit boring for me.

— Greg Fitzsimmons

There’s so many ways to do stand up, and I think, for Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

There’s so many ways to do stand up, and I think, for

— Greg Fitzsimmons

I’m kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

I’m kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is

— Greg Fitzsimmons

I knew that drinking and doing stand-up was going to make me Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

I knew that drinking and doing stand-up was going to make me

— Greg Fitzsimmons

Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking,

— Greg Fitzsimmons

Iowa’s the worst. Iowa’s just nothing, just flat as far as you Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

Iowa’s the worst. Iowa’s just nothing, just flat as far as you

— Greg Fitzsimmons

I have to stop watching the Olympics. It just reminds me that Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

I have to stop watching the Olympics. It just reminds me that

— Greg Fitzsimmons

My kids teased me at dinner that I’m not cool. I told Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

My kids teased me at dinner that I’m not cool. I told

— Greg Fitzsimmons

They just tested the tap water in Los Angeles and they found Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

They just tested the tap water in Los Angeles and they found

— Greg Fitzsimmons

Rescuing dogs is looked upon as a noble, trendy pursuit. But wouldn’t Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

Rescuing dogs is looked upon as a noble, trendy pursuit. But wouldn’t

— Greg Fitzsimmons

Taking down the Christmas tree makes it feel official: time to get Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

Taking down the Christmas tree makes it feel official: time to get

— Greg Fitzsimmons

The most interesting hipsters are ones who stop being hipsters. Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

The most interesting hipsters are ones who stop being hipsters.

— Greg Fitzsimmons

We are now able to create virtual realities on computers. Are we Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

We are now able to create virtual realities on computers. Are we

— Greg Fitzsimmons

If you want to stop two people from having sex, let them get married. Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

If you want to stop two people from having sex, let them get married.

— Greg Fitzsimmons

Ever see a skinny guy on a cold day? You know they Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

Ever see a skinny guy on a cold day? You know they

— Greg Fitzsimmons

If we don’t have souls then who am I talking to when I keep telling myself to be good? Greg Fitzsimmons Picture Quote

If we don’t have souls then who am I talking to when I keep telling myself to be good?

— Greg Fitzsimmons

More to Explore.

Mennonite Proverbs

Mennonite Proverbs

Cherokee Proverbs

Cherokee Proverbs

Flirt Messages

Flirt Messages

Samoan Proverbs

Samoan Proverbs

Swiss Proverbs

Swiss Proverbs

Miss You So Much Quotes

Miss You So Much Quotes

Batela Proverbs

Batela Proverbs

Sumerian Proverbs

Sumerian Proverbs