I was under the care of a couple of medical students who couldn’t diagnose a decapitation. — Jeffrey Bernard
The more necessary it becomes to stop drinking, the more impossible it becomes to stop. — Jeffrey Bernard
Oh, the self-importance of fading stars. Never mind, they will be black holes one day. — Jeffrey Bernard
There’s nothing undignified about lying about all day and being waited on by servants, sipping bloody champagne. — Jeffrey Bernard
The only reason I would have liked to have gone to university is because I like cricket. — Jeffrey Bernard
One of the things that goes with getting older is that one becomes more conservative — Jeffrey Bernard
Oh, to me not drinking is like being dead, almost. I sit here taking endless journeys down memory lane. It gets boring. — Jeffrey Bernard
It’s not name dropping, but not many people can say, like me, that they spent the day — Jeffrey Bernard
I have been commissioned to write an autobiography and I would be grateful to any of your — Jeffrey Bernard
I don’t remember ever being full of dislike and hatred for people, like some kids I’ve come across now. — Jeffrey Bernard
Although I have to admit I have despised a couple of people simply because they have never had a job in their lives. — Jeffrey Bernard
But you’ve got to have money for comfort, which obviously doesn’t matter as much when — Jeffrey Bernard
A lot of girls annoy me who go to university – one girl told me she was going to oxford — Jeffrey Bernard