Love isn’t just something we feel for others, it’s who we are. Though we usually think of love as a stream of emotion flowing between two people, love is more like an ocean that’s inside and all around us. Instead of walking around with a little cup, begging for a few drops of love from others, recognize that you’re the huge ocean of love.
I did some more soul searching. I asked myself, "What do I want more than happiness?" and there was only one answer - the only thing that trumps happiness is love. Not the kind of love we are normally taught about, but the kind of unconditional love that is a deep inner state which doesn't depend on any person, situation or a romantic partner. That's how I define Love for No Reason: it's an inner state of love.
The second doorway has to do with vitality. It's about feeling alive, vital, and feeling the life-force flow through us. This doorway is also known as the creativity center and it houses a great sense of aliveness in it.
The first doorway (or chakra) is what I call in the book, the Doorway of Safety. This doorway relates to feeling safe in life and being present in the here and now. It's only when we are really grounded and safe that we're able to relax and open up our hearts.
When people are deeply happy they bring a sense of purpose with them wherever they go, whatever circumstances they are in. So if they're changing the oil in the car, they bring a sense of joyful purpose even to that.
The only difference between people who live in this way, who live in the magic of life, and those who don't, is that the people who live in the magic of life have habituated ways of being. They have habituated this process, and magic happens with them wherever they go. Because they remember and they do it all the time. Not just as a one time event.
There's a beautiful forgiveness practice I love which is quite simple. It's called "Ho'oponopono" (pronounced: ho-o-pono-pono) and it's a lot easier to do than it is to say. It's a Kahuna Hawaiian technique, which involves repeating four phrases internally toward yourself or the person whom you're having a hard time forgiving.
There's a wonderful support network developing worldwide of people who understand what this big calling is, the calling of love. People often ask me, "Is it selfish to want to experience more love? Aren't you just focusing on yourself?" and my answer is that it's the least selfish thing you can do. When you start living more and more in higher states of love, it affects everyone around you and it's the biggest way you can contribute to this planet.
If you're having a hard time being compassionate to or forgiving of yourself or others, you repeat these four phrases directed to yourself or the other person: "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you." And just by saying and feeling those phrases, you will find your heart starts to melt.
The problem for most of us is that the cup has holes, so love goes out just as easily as it goes in. What happens when people are living in the unconditional state of love, however, is that they recognize they are the ocean of love; they know it's their essence. And they naturally overflow in this love. So instead of being love beggars, they become love philanthropists.
I seem to have come out of the womb with existential angst and wasn't a happy kid, so I've been on a lifelong search trying to discover how to live the best life possible. I committed my life to doing what I could to experience greater happiness, which ultimately led me to write a book on the subject called Happy for No Reason.
I believe love is why we're here on the planet and that ultimately it's our purpose for life. They say people who've had near-death experiences often report back that at the end of our lives we have a life review and we're asked one question, and that question is, how much did you love?
Taking ownership of your happiness has two aspects: Accepting that being happy is up to you and that you have the ability and power to be happier by changing your habits. Taking "response-ability": responding to all the events in your life in a way that supports your happiness.
It’s impossible to monitor every thought we have. Researchers tell us that we have about sixty thousand thoughts a day. Can you imagine how exhausted you’d feel trying to control all sixty thousand of those thoughts? Fortunately there’s an easier way and it’s our feelings. Our feelings let us know what we’re thinking.
Many people in Western culture are striving for success. They want the home, they want the great business. They want all of these outer things. But what we found in our research is that having those things, certainly doesn't guarantee what we really want, which is happiness. And that's when all those outer things come. They don't come from going after them first to get the happiness, it's backwards; you go for the sense of inner joy, of inner peace, of inner vision first and then all of the other things from the outside appear.
The basis of all love is self-love and we certainly suffer a lot in our society from lack of self-love. When we don't take care of ourselves, it's really just a symptom of not loving ourselves. So the worst thing that we can do is to beat ourselves up for how we've already treated ourselves.
So the difference between most books about love and Love For No Reason is that traditional love books focus on love as a stream of energy between two people, whereas this book focuses on love as a deep state of being that you can live in no matter what's going on in your life.
When you're Happy for No Reason, you bring happiness to your outer experiences rather than trying to extract happiness from them. You don't need to manipulate the world around you to try to make yourself happy. You live from happiness, rather than for happiness.
When we're feeling fully alive, we're able to fully feel love. This doorway also relates to feeling our feelings fully. Not suppressing our feelings of anger, sadness or grief but allowing them to be felt. What's amazing is that when those feelings are felt, they actually dissolve into love.
I truly believe that forgiveness is the fast track to greater love and it's the path that can really heal all. We all have areas of our own lives where we have a hard time forgiving, whether it's with ourselves, or others, but when we can practice forgiveness, many of our self-destructive habits will begin to fade away.
If you think about the times in life when you've been the most deeply fulfilled, they're the times that you've felt love. Whether it's watching a sunset, spending time with a pet or being with a partner with whom you feel an intensely deep connection.
The study of love is an emerging field. Perhaps the leaders in the field are a group called The Institute of HeartMath who have found that we have many physiological, psychological, and social benefits when we're living with greater love, care, and compassion.
There are fourteen keys to experiencing greater love and with each key, I offer what I believe to be the most effective tool out there. So this is a time when, if we're awake to it, we have an amazing opportunity to start living a different life. By that I mean the life that our souls came here to live. We're all being propelled forward and it's not always easy, but through supporting one another we can do it.
I've come to see that I have two choices in how I approach change: I can either resist change or be open to what's ahead and feel the peace that "all is well in the universe." When I lean into the latter, I feel excited about the future.
HeartMath found that five minutes of feeling love and care can strengthen your immune system for up to six hours, whereas five minutes of feeling angry can weaken and suppress the immune system for six hours. Love releases very powerful, beneficial chemicals into the body.
The fifth doorway to experiencing Love for No Reason is the Doorway of Communication, which corresponds to the energy center located in the throat area. This doorway relates to speaking and listening with compassion, rather than judgment. There are some wonderful tools and techniques available to help us speak and listen with compassion that I've included in this chapter.
We're all here to live a fabulous life... a life of love, truth, and joy.We have the power to wake up to that. We have the power to say "I'm not just here to survive, I'm here to live the greatest life that can be lived".
One of the things that happens when we're feeling more love and care is that we go into what's called "heart rhythm coherence," which you can actually measure and monitor on a computer screen. It's also possible to train yourself to go into heart rhythm coherence at will.
Jonas' music is inspiring, energizing, and spiritually uplifting. A brilliant songwriter, he writes music that reaches deep into the soul and awakens the best and highest in all of us. And Jonas delivers his songs with a power, joy, and grace that last long after the last note is played. The world needs this music!
The fourth doorway is the Doorway of Openness located in our heart center. It has to do with being open to both giving and receiving love. It's not just about being able to give, but it's also about the ability to be open to receive. There's a certain vulnerability in receiving. When we truly take in and appreciate all of the gifts of life, then our hearts are truly open in love.
In an experiment by Dr. Robert Emmons at the University of California–Davis, people who kept a ‘gratitude journal,’ a weekly record of things they felt grateful for, enjoyed better physical health, were more optimistic, exercised more regularly, and described themselves as happier than a control group who didn’t keep journals.
I interviewed 100 happy people - I call them my Happy 100 - and I learned amazing ideas and techniques from them that I began integrating into my life. I put them into practice - and they worked! I went from a D+ in happiness to an A-.
The concept (of happiness) is universal. In Buddhism, it is called causeless joy, in Christianity, the kingdom of heaven within, and in Judaism it is called ashrei, an inner sense of holiness and health. Is Islam it is called falah, happiness and well-being, and in Hinduism it is called ananda, or pure bliss.
The best way to keep relationships happy, healthy, and supportive can be summed up in one word: appreciation. What you appreciate, appreciates. When we demonstrate our appreciation for the support we receive from others, it reinforces that behavior and deepens our connection to them.
And finally, there's the seventh doorway, the Doorway of Oneness, which corresponds to the crown center, located at the top of the head. This doorway has to do with feeling whole and connected to all of life, connected to spirit
To make the quickest progress, you don't have to take huge leaps. You just have to take baby steps-and keep on taking them. In Japan, they call this approach kaizen, which literally translates as 'continual improvement.' Using kaizen, great and lasting success is achieved through small, consistent steps. It turns out that slow and steady is the best way to overcome your resistance to change.
Most people think of love as an energy between two people, which it is, but it's not only that. When we think of love in those limited terms, we become what I call "love beggars." We walk around looking for love outside of ourselves. We'll go up to people as though we have a beggar's cup in our hands and look to them to fill up our cup.
I wanted to know if we could live in that state of love, not just every so often, but as an ongoing reality. The answer is YES. There are people who are doing just that, and I wanted to share with the world how they're consistently living in a state of love.