I moved to the ukraine. And it was cold, and everyone had guns, and smelled like soup. — Nick Swardson
My roommates said they’d get me rims for christmas. And a cb radio so I can talk to other car beds. — Nick Swardson
I can’t believe you came on my mom. You might be the biggest perv in the world right now. — Nick Swardson
Do you need a stuffed animal? I have a dog. I think I have a bear. Yeah, I have a bear. — Nick Swardson