Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid! — Phyllis Diller
I’m beginning to have morning sickness. I’m not having a baby, I’m just sick of morning. — Phyllis Diller
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. — Phyllis Diller
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day. — Phyllis Diller