I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well. — Robert Benchley
If mr. Einstein doesn’t like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from. — Robert Benchley
In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the old curiosity shop. — Robert Benchley
The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon. — Robert Benchley
A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death. — Robert Benchley
An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens. — Robert Benchley
At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn’t money and power in this world — Robert Benchley
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it’s compounding a felony. — Robert Benchley
Even nowadays a man can’t step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous. — Robert Benchley
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. — Robert Benchley
A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated. — Robert Benchley
You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen — Robert Benchley
There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them. — Robert Benchley
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment. — Robert Benchley
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. — Robert Benchley