With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it. — Rodney Dangerfield
I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee! — Rodney Dangerfield
Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution. — Rodney Dangerfield
It’s nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you. — Rodney Dangerfield
I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu…. she bid me a don’t. — Rodney Dangerfield
My son’s an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher. — Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone. — Rodney Dangerfield