My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer. — Demetri Martin
The difference between a child’s toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location. — Demetri Martin
I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they’re saying. — Demetri Martin
You never forget your first kiss. And that’s what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle. — Demetri Martin