Henny Youngman Quotes

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My wife lost all her credit cards, but I’m not going to Henny Youngman Picture Quote

My wife lost all her credit cards, but I’m not going to

— Henny Youngman

A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I Henny Youngman Picture Quote

A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I

— Henny Youngman

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to Henny Youngman Picture Quote

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to

— Henny Youngman

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

— Henny Youngman

Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.

— Henny Youngman

A man calls a lawyer’s office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz, Henny Youngman Picture Quote

A man calls a lawyer’s office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz,

— Henny Youngman

I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.

— Henny Youngman

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

— Henny Youngman

I miss my wife’s cooking, as often as I can Henny Youngman Picture Quote

I miss my wife’s cooking, as often as I can

— Henny Youngman

We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better, Henny Youngman Picture Quote

We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better,

— Henny Youngman

My wife and I got remarried. Our divorce didn’t work out. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

My wife and I got remarried. Our divorce didn’t work out.

— Henny Youngman

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right Henny Youngman Picture Quote

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right

— Henny Youngman

I went out with a girl last night. She wasn’t a Lana Henny Youngman Picture Quote

I went out with a girl last night. She wasn’t a Lana

— Henny Youngman

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, “Are you comfortable?” Henny Youngman Picture Quote

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, “Are you comfortable?”

— Henny Youngman

A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off! Henny Youngman Picture Quote

A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!

— Henny Youngman

The usual way – a little wine, a little dinner…. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

The usual way – a little wine, a little dinner….

— Henny Youngman

When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, “Give me a table near a waiter.” Henny Youngman Picture Quote

When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, “Give me a table near a waiter.”

— Henny Youngman

Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy! Henny Youngman Picture Quote

Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy!

— Henny Youngman

A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he Henny Youngman Picture Quote

A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he

— Henny Youngman

Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.

— Henny Youngman

I think the world of you…and you know what condition the world is in today. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

I think the world of you…and you know what condition the world is in today.

— Henny Youngman

“What’s the latest dope on Wall Street?” “My son!” Henny Youngman Picture Quote

“What’s the latest dope on Wall Street?” “My son!”

— Henny Youngman

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, “Send one of Henny Youngman Picture Quote

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, “Send one of

— Henny Youngman

A little man is running a jewelry store. A man runs in Henny Youngman Picture Quote

A little man is running a jewelry store. A man runs in

— Henny Youngman

A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.

— Henny Youngman

A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it Henny Youngman Picture Quote

A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it

— Henny Youngman

She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, “Tut, Tut!” Henny Youngman Picture Quote

She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, “Tut, Tut!”

— Henny Youngman

If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving.

— Henny Youngman

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

— Henny Youngman

His motto is “Love Thy Neighbor”. His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

His motto is “Love Thy Neighbor”. His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker.

— Henny Youngman

Are you Polish? Okay, I’ll talk slower. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

Are you Polish? Okay, I’ll talk slower.

— Henny Youngman

A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the Henny Youngman Picture Quote

A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the

— Henny Youngman

Those two are a fastidious couple. She’s fast and he’s hideous. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

Those two are a fastidious couple. She’s fast and he’s hideous.

— Henny Youngman

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget Henny Youngman Picture Quote

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget

— Henny Youngman

I know what I’m giving up for Lent: my New Year’s resolutions. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

I know what I’m giving up for Lent: my New Year’s resolutions.

— Henny Youngman

Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, ‘I hope Henny Youngman Picture Quote

Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, ‘I hope

— Henny Youngman

My wife has a black belt in shopping. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

My wife has a black belt in shopping.

— Henny Youngman

2 Jewish women in New York. One says, “Do you see what’s going Henny Youngman Picture Quote

2 Jewish women in New York. One says, “Do you see what’s going

— Henny Youngman

I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium. Henny Youngman Picture Quote

I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.

— Henny Youngman

Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us! Henny Youngman Picture Quote

Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!

— Henny Youngman

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