Jim Gaffigan Quotes

I’m closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield. Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

I’m closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield.

— Jim Gaffigan

You ever look for the remote control, but you can’t find it, Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

You ever look for the remote control, but you can’t find it,

— Jim Gaffigan

I personally have no interest in being a star or a celebrity. Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

I personally have no interest in being a star or a celebrity.

— Jim Gaffigan

It’s a balancing act of you feel horrible that you’re away but Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

It’s a balancing act of you feel horrible that you’re away but

— Jim Gaffigan

My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I’m not in control of things. Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I’m not in control of things.

— Jim Gaffigan

I left the Midwest thinking I didn’t fit in. But when I Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

I left the Midwest thinking I didn’t fit in. But when I

— Jim Gaffigan

Stand-up used to be much more of a form combat. Heckling was Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

Stand-up used to be much more of a form combat. Heckling was

— Jim Gaffigan

Most of my material is , it doesn’t necessarily involve a lot of Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

Most of my material is , it doesn’t necessarily involve a lot of

— Jim Gaffigan

After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month! Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

After you eat a Hot Pocket, Everything will taste like rubber for a month!

— Jim Gaffigan

We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’ Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’

— Jim Gaffigan

Whenever one of my children says, ‘Goodnight, Daddy,’ I always think Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

Whenever one of my children says, ‘Goodnight, Daddy,’ I always think

— Jim Gaffigan

It’s not as if ten years ago, we were like, ‘I wish Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

It’s not as if ten years ago, we were like, ‘I wish

— Jim Gaffigan

But truly, women are amazing. Think about it this way: a woman Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

But truly, women are amazing. Think about it this way: a woman

— Jim Gaffigan

Holidays are also an opportunity for kids to unlearn every good habit Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

Holidays are also an opportunity for kids to unlearn every good habit

— Jim Gaffigan

Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a

— Jim Gaffigan

I’m the youngest, too. When you’re the youngest of a big family, Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

I’m the youngest, too. When you’re the youngest of a big family,

— Jim Gaffigan

Every now and then I’ll read a book, I’ll be so proud Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

Every now and then I’ll read a book, I’ll be so proud

— Jim Gaffigan

What kind of life are you leading where you consider ketchup fancy? “ Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

What kind of life are you leading where you consider ketchup fancy? “

— Jim Gaffigan

We wrote about having five kids and bringing them to church. A Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

We wrote about having five kids and bringing them to church. A

— Jim Gaffigan

I kind of consider myself… I mean, I try to have my Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

I kind of consider myself… I mean, I try to have my

— Jim Gaffigan

I don’t want people to think I believe in God. Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

I don’t want people to think I believe in God.

— Jim Gaffigan

Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn’t that the best? Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn’t that the best?

— Jim Gaffigan

That’s why when I send a postcard I quiz people. “Hey, did Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

That’s why when I send a postcard I quiz people. “Hey, did

— Jim Gaffigan

When I’m in touch with the idea that there is a higher Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

When I’m in touch with the idea that there is a higher

— Jim Gaffigan

Now that I’m married and have two beautiful children, it really makes Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

Now that I’m married and have two beautiful children, it really makes

— Jim Gaffigan

I’m not saying that McDonald’s gift certificates caused the obesity epidemic, but Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

I’m not saying that McDonald’s gift certificates caused the obesity epidemic, but

— Jim Gaffigan

I spent most of my adult life essentially agnostic or an atheist. Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

I spent most of my adult life essentially agnostic or an atheist.

— Jim Gaffigan

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.

— Jim Gaffigan

Jesus if you could cure our son’s blindness that’d be great… And Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

Jesus if you could cure our son’s blindness that’d be great… And

— Jim Gaffigan

When you hear bacon cooking….that sizzling sound isn’t the fat cooking…. Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

When you hear bacon cooking….that sizzling sound isn’t the fat cooking….

— Jim Gaffigan

I realized, in removing or rewriting these jokes, that often the jokes Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

I realized, in removing or rewriting these jokes, that often the jokes

— Jim Gaffigan

You ever find yourself being lazy for no reason at all? Like, Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

You ever find yourself being lazy for no reason at all? Like,

— Jim Gaffigan

Don’t take this the wrong way but I care more and I’m Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

Don’t take this the wrong way but I care more and I’m

— Jim Gaffigan

There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know

— Jim Gaffigan

Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who’s Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who’s

— Jim Gaffigan

The real question is should we trust people who don’t like cheese? Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

The real question is should we trust people who don’t like cheese?

— Jim Gaffigan

My wife told me that in the Bible, Abraham circumcised himself… wow! Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

My wife told me that in the Bible, Abraham circumcised himself… wow!

— Jim Gaffigan

There’s something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian. Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

There’s something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.

— Jim Gaffigan

I’ve had plenty of friends tell me that their first time doing Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

I’ve had plenty of friends tell me that their first time doing

— Jim Gaffigan

You ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither. Jim Gaffigan Picture Quote

You ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

— Jim Gaffigan

More to Explore.

Native American Blackfoot Proverbs

Native American Blackfoot Proverbs

Misunderstanding Quotes

Misunderstanding Quotes

Nilotic Proverbs

Nilotic Proverbs

Diet Quotes

Diet Quotes

Madagascar Proverbs

Madagascar Proverbs

Behavior Quotes

Behavior Quotes

Submission Quotes

Submission Quotes

Walloon Proverbs

Walloon Proverbs