Funny Quotes

At my funeral take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next. Funny Quotes Image

At my funeral take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.

Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female. Funny Quotes Image

Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.

Gender. What’s that? I wanna be legally classified as a bio-hazard. Funny Quotes Image

Gender. What’s that? I wanna be legally classified as a bio-hazard.

If people are talking about you behind your back, then just fart and clean them up. Funny Quotes Image

If people are talking about you behind your back, then just fart and clean them up.

I know a woman who wasn’t pregnant at all until she took a pregnancy test. Funny Quotes Image

I know a woman who wasn’t pregnant at all until she took a pregnancy test.

Rumors! I find out so much about myself that I didn’t even know. Funny Quotes Image

Rumors! I find out so much about myself that I didn’t even know.

When you can’t sleep at night, it’s because you’re awake in someone’s dream. Funny Quotes Image

When you can’t sleep at night, it’s because you’re awake in someone’s dream.

In case you lost track, today is April 97th. Funny Quotes Image

In case you lost track, today is April 97th.

Need new haters the old ones are starting to like me. Funny Quotes Image

Need new haters the old ones are starting to like me.

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Eat more. Eat healthy. And stay safe. Funny Quotes Image

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Eat more. Eat healthy. And stay safe.

I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do. Funny Quotes Image

I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.

I wanna slap you, but I don’t know in which face. Funny Quotes Image

I wanna slap you, but I don’t know in which face.

Keep your head high, and your middle finger higher. Funny Quotes Image

Keep your head high, and your middle finger higher.

We all know someone who speaks fluent shit. Funny Quotes Image

We all know someone who speaks fluent shit.

Never sing in the shower. Funny Quotes Image

Never sing in the shower.

May you live to be old and toothless. Funny Quotes Image

May you live to be old and toothless.

Keep your text messages short and sweet Funny Quotes Image

Keep your text messages short and sweet

Do you know why a previous relationship is called Ex? Funny Quotes Image

Do you know why a previous relationship is called Ex?

When a boy gets jealous it’s kinda cute. Funny Quotes Image

When a boy gets jealous it’s kinda cute.

I love my relationship with my bed. Funny Quotes Image

I love my relationship with my bed.

If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say “Now you’re super mad!”. Funny Quotes Image

If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say “Now you’re super mad!”.

Sometimes your knight in shining armor turns out to be an idiot wrapped in tin foil. Funny Quotes Image

Sometimes your knight in shining armor turns out to be an idiot wrapped in tin foil.

Friends come and go like waves of the ocean but the true ones stick Funny Quotes Image

Friends come and go like waves of the ocean but the true ones stick

The four most important words in any marriage, “I’ll do the dishes.” Funny Quotes Image

The four most important words in any marriage, “I’ll do the dishes.”

You remind me of a library book because I always want to check you out. Funny Quotes Image

You remind me of a library book because I always want to check you out.

Do butterflies feel humans in their stomach when they’re in love. Funny Quotes Image

Do butterflies feel humans in their stomach when they’re in love.

Kissing burns 6.4 calories a minute. Wanna work out. Funny Quotes Image

Kissing burns 6.4 calories a minute. Wanna work out.

Once in a while something amazing comes long… and here I am. Funny Quotes Image

Once in a while something amazing comes long… and here I am.

Screw flirting. I’ll win you over with my awkwardness. Funny Quotes Image

Screw flirting. I’ll win you over with my awkwardness.

Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look. Funny Quotes Image

Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look.

I don’t care how many people are in this world, I want you! Funny Quotes Image

I don’t care how many people are in this world, I want you!

I always wake up smiling… I think it’s your fault. Funny Quotes Image

I always wake up smiling… I think it’s your fault.

I like you because you join in on my weirdness. Funny Quotes Image

I like you because you join in on my weirdness.

I love you, even when you fart in your sleep. Funny Quotes Image

I love you, even when you fart in your sleep.

A friend is like a push-up bra, supportive and close to the heart. Funny Quotes Image

A friend is like a push-up bra, supportive and close to the heart.

Stick with the guy who ruins your lipstick, not your mascara. Funny Quotes Image

Stick with the guy who ruins your lipstick, not your mascara.

Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe. Funny Quotes Image

Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe.

I know I’m a handful but that’s why you got two hands. Funny Quotes Image

I know I’m a handful but that’s why you got two hands.

You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life. Funny Quotes Image

You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life.

We’ve been friends for so long. Funny Quotes Image

We’ve been friends for so long.

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Ecuadorian Proverbs