Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head. — Ambrose Bierce
Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. — Ambrose Bierce
Fork: an instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. — Ambrose Bierce
Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. — Ambrose Bierce