I was once involved in a same-sex marriage. There was the same sex over and over and over. — David Letterman
Congratulations to Ohio State, your new college football champions. Coach Urban Meyer — David Letterman
Last month Mitt Romney raised $76 million. He found it in an old sport-coat pocket. — David Letterman
The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy — David Letterman
The 2016 presidential campaign is heating up. Can you feel the indifference, the apathy? — David Letterman
Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving. — David Letterman