Jackie Mason Quotes

I can’t predict the future and I don’t have respect for people who try to. Jackie Mason Picture Quote

I can’t predict the future and I don’t have respect for people who try to.

— Jackie Mason

I’m crazy about the fact that the Jewish people should survive because Jackie Mason Picture Quote

I’m crazy about the fact that the Jewish people should survive because

— Jackie Mason

Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best Jackie Mason Picture Quote

Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best

— Jackie Mason

You know how many stunning women told me they can’t stand a Jackie Mason Picture Quote

You know how many stunning women told me they can’t stand a

— Jackie Mason

It’s not a query of staying wholesome. It’s a query of discovering a illness you want. Jackie Mason Picture Quote

It’s not a query of staying wholesome. It’s a query of discovering a illness you want.

— Jackie Mason

Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade … If that’s Jackie Mason Picture Quote

Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade … If that’s

— Jackie Mason

When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the Jackie Mason Picture Quote

When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the

— Jackie Mason

A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval. Jackie Mason Picture Quote

A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.

— Jackie Mason

The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my ‘shtick’ (if you will), Jackie Mason Picture Quote

The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my ‘shtick’ (if you will),

— Jackie Mason

My grandfather always said, Don’t watch your money, watch your health. So Jackie Mason Picture Quote

My grandfather always said, Don’t watch your money, watch your health. So

— Jackie Mason

Honesty is nothin’ compared to decency. Jackie Mason Picture Quote

Honesty is nothin’ compared to decency.

— Jackie Mason

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. Jackie Mason Picture Quote

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

— Jackie Mason

I’m still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost Jackie Mason Picture Quote

I’m still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost

— Jackie Mason

I’ve been watching politics for 35 or 40 years and you just never know. Jackie Mason Picture Quote

I’ve been watching politics for 35 or 40 years and you just never know.

— Jackie Mason

Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran Jackie Mason Picture Quote

Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran

— Jackie Mason

Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That’s right – two Jackie Mason Picture Quote

Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That’s right – two

— Jackie Mason

I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a Jackie Mason Picture Quote

I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a

— Jackie Mason

It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of Jackie Mason Picture Quote

It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of

— Jackie Mason

I didn’t think it was fair to pretend to give of myself Jackie Mason Picture Quote

I didn’t think it was fair to pretend to give of myself

— Jackie Mason

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant – even if they wanted to be one? Jackie Mason Picture Quote

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant – even if they wanted to be one?

— Jackie Mason

Why is it that they have Bibles in every motel room? Why Jackie Mason Picture Quote

Why is it that they have Bibles in every motel room? Why

— Jackie Mason

I am excited about getting back to what I do best and Jackie Mason Picture Quote

I am excited about getting back to what I do best and

— Jackie Mason

Everybody knows we’re entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that Jackie Mason Picture Quote

Everybody knows we’re entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that

— Jackie Mason

I don’t believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why Jackie Mason Picture Quote

I don’t believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why

— Jackie Mason

I’ve got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews Jackie Mason Picture Quote

I’ve got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews

— Jackie Mason

I’ve got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can’t Jackie Mason Picture Quote

I’ve got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can’t

— Jackie Mason

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. Jackie Mason Picture Quote

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

— Jackie Mason

A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner. Jackie Mason Picture Quote

A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.

— Jackie Mason

Ladies and gentlemen, you can’t please everyone. Take my girlfriend – I Jackie Mason Picture Quote

Ladies and gentlemen, you can’t please everyone. Take my girlfriend – I

— Jackie Mason

While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian Jackie Mason Picture Quote

While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian

— Jackie Mason

I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought Jackie Mason Picture Quote

I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought

— Jackie Mason

My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in Jackie Mason Picture Quote

My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in

— Jackie Mason

I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs. Jackie Mason Picture Quote

I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.

— Jackie Mason

They call it football, but the object of the game is to Jackie Mason Picture Quote

They call it football, but the object of the game is to

— Jackie Mason

I can’t pretend that I’m a great student of the art of Jackie Mason Picture Quote

I can’t pretend that I’m a great student of the art of

— Jackie Mason

On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It’s almost Jackie Mason Picture Quote

On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It’s almost

— Jackie Mason

Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New Jackie Mason Picture Quote

Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New

— Jackie Mason

By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting; in Jackie Mason Picture Quote

By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting; in

— Jackie Mason

Would you put a pastrami in your mouth if you didn’t want to eat it? Jackie Mason Picture Quote

Would you put a pastrami in your mouth if you didn’t want to eat it?

— Jackie Mason

My comedy doesn’t come from any calculations and studies. Jackie Mason Picture Quote

My comedy doesn’t come from any calculations and studies.

— Jackie Mason

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