Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good. — P. G. Wodehouse
I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don’t know what I did before that. Just loafed I suppose. — P. G. Wodehouse
The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them. — P. G. Wodehouse
Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them. — P. G. Wodehouse
It was my uncle george who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought. — P. G. Wodehouse
She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say “when.” — P. G. Wodehouse
Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth. It is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character. — P. G. Wodehouse
The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. — P. G. Wodehouse
He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. — P. G. Wodehouse
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a frenchman. It is called the guillotine. — P. G. Wodehouse