Bill gates is a very rich man today… and do you want to know why? the answer is one word: versions. — Dave Barry
Don’t you wish you had a job like mine? all you have to do is think up a certain number of words! — Dave Barry
Geographically, ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep. — Dave Barry
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects — Dave Barry
I realize that I’m generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don’t care. — Dave Barry
I want a pit crew… I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. — Dave Barry
If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry. — Dave Barry
In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid. — Dave Barry
It was public art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money. — Dave Barry
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators. — Dave Barry
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. — Dave Barry
Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there’s a good chance that nobody is reading my column. — Dave Barry