Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes — Dave Barry
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. — Dave Barry
Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. — Dave Barry
Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in chicago in january — Dave Barry
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time — Dave Barry
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn’t have eyeballs or fins. — Dave Barry
The problem with winter sports is that – follow me closely here – they generally take place in winter. — Dave Barry
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people — Dave Barry
The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. — Dave Barry
To better understand why you need a personal computer, let’s take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life. — Dave Barry
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; — Dave Barry
What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person — Dave Barry
The simple truth is that balding african-american men look cool when they shave their heads — Dave Barry
The democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that — Dave Barry
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background — Dave Barry
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate. — Dave Barry