I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. — Mark Twain
Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own. — Mark Twain
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. — Mark Twain
Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied. — Mark Twain
If the world comes to an end, I want to be in cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. — Mark Twain
It ain’t those parts of the bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. — Mark Twain
It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so. — Mark Twain
I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places. — Mark Twain
I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough. — Mark Twain
George washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie. — Mark Twain
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times. — Mark Twain
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. — Mark Twain
Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. — Mark Twain
Don’t tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don’t tell them where they know the fish. — Mark Twain
Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. — Mark Twain