When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn’t even look for me. — Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya I got a stupid son. That’s one load that shoulda been shot on the wall. — Rodney Dangerfield
Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone! — Rodney Dangerfield
I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me. — Rodney Dangerfield
My parents didn’t like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio. — Rodney Dangerfield
I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens. — Rodney Dangerfield
I told my kids, “Someday, you’ll have kids of your own.” One of them said, “So will you.” — Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much. — Rodney Dangerfield
I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. — Rodney Dangerfield
